So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
