I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I could make wine with my vomit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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