you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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