theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
