apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
