he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
