this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
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