your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
