just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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