it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
