yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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