I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
