In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
