I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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