He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
