But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
