you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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