Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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