she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
