if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
