I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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