I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
