my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
