That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
