I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Jerry, you need to find god
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize