Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
