in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
