chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
