Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
