I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
