You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
