The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
