When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
