i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
