You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
