are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
