I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
