i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
