how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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