As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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