Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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