So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
