Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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