im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
