I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
