I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
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I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize