you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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