First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
