I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
