Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
