I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
