plz talk dirty to me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
