Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
