I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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