WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
