he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
