So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There r osticjed everywhere
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
