i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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