his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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