Can i not drive my cunt home
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
