I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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