So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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