just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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