he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
