How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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