I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize