my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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